Doubt

Have you ever wondered to yourself, “What the hell am I doing? Is it all even worth it? Can I just lay in bed with my head under the covers all day for an endless amount of time? Or at least until all of this all goes away?” Well, I think most normal humans do feel this way at some time or another. I experienced these feelings myself recently and the knock-on effect for me was doubt.

I was blessed enough to go through this 2020 crazy; sad; depressing; massively changing; pandemic year pretty unscathed. I went into overdrive to try to serve and help my community, so I had a little burnout, and I had a cancer scare / operation…but, generally, my life carried on pretty much the same as pre-pandemic. However, in the past week, things went to shizz and I had what was most probably the most challenging week that I have had to deal with in many, many years.

So, here’s my deal on doubt.

In one short week,

• One of my beloved children’s lives was turned upside down and inside out.
• I was betrayed deeply by a family member.
• Another family member was murdered.
• And, I had to say goodbye to someone that was in our employment for 15 years (and that we love dearly) who went on retirement.

I had numerous panic attacks. I exerted myself physically to the degree that I was left bruised, battered and depleted. My sleep disappeared so I was exhausted, I nearly fainted twice, and I haven’t cried so much since my Dad died 6 years ago.

The self-doubt crept in as one thing loaded on top of another. I want to make big things happen in my life, so having serious doubts creates huge inner conflict for me. I was experiencing sweating palms and constantly felt on the verge of throwing up. Over the past 8 years, I have got in touch with my body and know it well. I was fully aware that I was suffering from anxiety over things in the past that I could not change and things in the future that may not happen. I recognised that I was in a state of deep stress from physical exertion. Simply, I was pushing myself and my body way too far.

Everything is an opportunity to show up.

We are all human beings. 50% ego and 50% spirit. As I have grown in wisdom, I have started learning that the key to life is balancing our duality. There are always going to be days where we doubt. Then again, there will also always be days when we just have a knowing.

I always tell my clients “It’s all about how we respond to what life throws us and not how we dys-functionally react to it out of habit”. But I still have my moments where I too do the very thing that I say we shouldn’t. This week I doubted myself as a life coach because that’s what we do isn’t it? We attack ourselves for not being perfect!

Unfortunately, we just cannot control the TIMING life has. Amazing opportunities to show up in life will always present themselves when we think that we’re not ready. It’s up to us to make the decision on how we are going to deal with life’s challenges. In turn, we set the example to our inner most important circles of how things could be better by the way we show up and handle things. And yes! I flop often. Last week I lost my cool in a horrid way and was left to deal with self-forgiveness for the umpteenth time. But we are all fallible and so we make mistakes. Life is a dance. We step backwards, forwards and even sideways. We stand on toes, trip, lose our balance and then find our rhythm again. Sometimes we manage to glide gracefully and even soar! That’s just how it’s supposed to go.

What to do when you start doubting everything.

When I am seriously messing up, I eventually remind myself to just STOP. To breathe deliberately and slowly. Then, I remember to love myself. The Divine doesn’t make mistakes. The entire universe is completely and utterly in love with me. This world would just not be the same without me in it.

I have something unique and special to offer!

I was born to help and serve others!

Life coaching is what I am meant to be doing!

Remember to treat yourself as you treat those you love dearly. If a loved one came to you for some reassurance, what would you say and do? Ask yourself the big questions “What do I really, truly want in life? What is my heart yearning for?” The answer will always be LOVE. Love is your true, essential nature. It doesn’t come from outside of you. Love lives within you. Always has and always will. And because love lives within, you can never lose it or be without it! How amazing is that!!

Please learn to be gentle, loving and kind with yourself. You deserve it. It is your birth right. When your inner chatter turns to being harsh toward yourself, give yourself some much-needed patience and compassion. We give these qualities away every day to others. Why not gift yourself with them?

Know that you are pure and infinite love!“

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your own love and attention.

May we all live in peace and harmony.

In love and laughter.

And may we all be well.

Until next time my lovelies.

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