What is self-confidence?
According to the dictionary, it says:
self-confidence/ˌsɛlfˈkɒnfɪd(ə)ns/noun“
a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgement
Wikipedia says:
The concept of self-confidence is commonly used as self-assurance in one’s personal judgment, ability, power, etc.”
I’d like to break it down for you into 3 PARTS based on my own personal experiences.
- Self-Confidence regarding your Body
There is a tremendous amount of pressure put on us today by industries that seek to profit off of us. The underwear industry for example was originally created to compliment a woman’s wardrobe in the bedroom for her husband’s personal pleasure. However, once a booming market was created after the rise in sales, we suddenly got taught that a bra and panty was an absolute essential to our body’s health. Today there is research contradicting the way we have been educated and there are reports now showing that bra’s actually may cause breast cancer – by blocking our lymphatic system – and do in fact cause ‘drooping’ because we have made our chest muscles lazy and panties cause infections due to our yoni’s not breathing. Yet, if we dare go out into public with our beautiful breasts swinging side to side, a whole lot is said about it! Other examples are the makeup industry, the hair industry and the weight-loss industry. Billions of dollars are made annually by telling woman and girls that we are not perfect just the way we are! That we are not ENOUGH the way we were created. That we need to be ‘more’. Online magazines – and the old-fashioned kind – and newspapers use air brush techniques and anorexic models to portray how woman should look “perfect”. Who said we are not born perfect? Since when does our Divine make mistakes? Or is it maybe human’s thinking that is flawed? We see zero cellulite, zero wrinkles, zero grey hair, zero beauty spots, blemishes, moles etc. What will it take to make us see that the body we wear…the body we live in… is only a vehicle that allows us to experience this life. I read an article recently that was posted on a friend’s timeline about how a ‘white’ woman was bragging about why her ‘coloured’ boyfriend chose her and oh me lord was there an uproar about it! Everyone seemed to miss the fact that when you find true love the outside package is not relevant. Or how deep is the love then? When you were born you were given your identity. I was told I am female; white; Christian; South African and so on. What is all of that actually anyway? It is labels and identities that are just made up by man. Not the Divine. Who says The Divine thinks of us in different coloured meat suits? I say let us rather choose to practise self-acceptance. Self-love. Self-approval. Let go of living up to others’ expectations of how you should look inside and on the outside.
- Self-Confidence regarding your Mind and Emotions
The book / movie ‘The Secret’ explains everything so nicely with the phrase “Thoughts become things”.
Really contemplate that sentence for a while. Every creation imaginable in this world started as a thought in someone’s mind. That thought then became words, and then those words became emotions as someone invested in their creation, and then those emotions/passion became actions as they started to design and figure things out, those actions then become their habits as they finessed their flaws and finally those habits became their lives. Just like Henry Ford who created the automobile you now call your car. The exact same principle applies to every single area of your personal life. If you only have ugly thoughts about your body and your being, then how are you expected to ‘shine your inner light’ for the whole world to see your true beauty because that is a total contradiction? The old wisdoms tell us that true beauty is the light found shinning off your face when you truly love yourself. No amount of make-up and clothing can hide your ugly. Your monster. You need to embrace them entirely yourself and come to terms with all aspects of yourself and then you’ll shine brightly! People are quick to judge when it affects them personally and doesn’t suit the outcome / vision / story they have. For example, we had a feud in our family where certain member/s got upset when someone apologised but things still all went south. They got upset for themselves because they had a vision in their head of what and how it should look like and how their family should behave because the outcome had a direct impact on them. However, they had no idea of how or what the other person/s had been through because they never lived it. So, when things didn’t suit their personal agenda, they judged. When we don’t get what we expect, then we judge. When we are not entirely happy on the inside of ourselves, then we shift the focus to other’s and how they are not ‘good enough’. Once you are happy, balanced and at peace with the all of you that you are then people and things on the outside world have very little – to no – impact on you and just do not seem move you much in a negative way anymore. You can read more about being rejected and my advice about it HERE if this resonates with you.
- Self-Confidence regarding your Being (Spirit / Soul)
Deepak Chopra says ~ The most satisfying project you will ever undertake – and a mark of a complete human being – is to discover how to build a sense of happiness that no one can take away from you. When you have sorted out the above two, you have made the space for harmony to enter your life. I called it a feeling of having finally arrived when trying to describe it to my loved ones. Each one of us is born with a unique gift and purpose to give to the world and this planet would not be the same if you did not exist right now and right here. Being self-confident in your Spirit is a deep ‘knowing’ that everything will be okay. It is the letting go of the outcomes. Having no attachments to anything. The faith that you are guided, directed and protected. It is the trusting that everything works out for your benefit and that everything will be okay.
For me self-confidence means that I can instil my boundaries. I love, accept and approve of myself even if – and when – others do not. It does not move me in any way when others disapprove. My sense of inner happiness is not affected. In my core; where my self-worth lies; I am aware that I am not higher and/or better than anyone else AND I am not worse and/or lower than anything else. You and I are the same.
The definition of self-esteem in the dictionary is:
self-esteem/ˌsɛlfɛˈstiːm/noun“
confidence in one’s own worth or abilities; self-respect
Here are my tips on how to achieve self-confidence in each area of YOU:
- For the Body – Every morning when you wake up, literally wrap your arms around yourself and say “I love you, ________ (your name). I really, REALLY love you; and I accept, approve of and love every part of you and your body”. This is my own personal morning practise and when I do it, I close my eyes and see & feel myself hugging myself proudly and tightly.
- For the Mind – Be brave enough to live your morals and values. Be brave enough to live authentically and be your authentic self. Erect personal boundaries and reinforce them when people step over them. The way you care for and love yourself is the example you set; and the permission you give others on how you want them to treat you!
- For the Spirit – Practise Mindfulness (read about that here) or watch a video I did on Facebook for more information here.
If this post resonates with you and you’d like guidance on how to achieve balance; harmony; peace and love in your life, then we can help you!
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Yours in kindness,
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